“I am not a psychic or a medium, but I feel compelled to tell you I think Jack crossed over last night.” I hesitantly uttered these words to my friend, Janice, after being haunted by her deceased husband of three days.
Three days earlier…
The phone rang and I excitedly picked it up. It was my friend, Janice, who I didn’t hear much from anymore. Enthusiastically, I picked up the phone and said, “hello!” When Janice responded, however, her voice did not meet mine with the same excitement. Hers, in fact, was stone cold sober and void of emotion.
“Jack killed himself last night,” she announced.
I was horrified.
“Yeah, he killed himself,” she continued. I prompted her for more details.
As she spoke, my body was pulled down to the ground, like a weighted lure. The air around me disappeared and I felt as if I were in a tunnel. I continued to listen as she told me about her harrowing night. She witnessed the unfortunate event and it was devastatingly awful.
My body’s reaction to this news surprised me. The truth is, I wanted to like Jack, but never did because I knew he made Janice’s life a living hell. Janice was my friend, a friend who had gone to the moon and back for me and, from the way Jack treated her, I never liked him. This is what made my physical sensation to his passing a surprise to me.
I knew, however, I wasn’t feeling my own remorse or sadness, but that of my friend’s. It was so thick, dark and heavy I could barely move.
When I got off the phone with Janice, I was furious. I was so angry that I threw my hand in the air and shook my fist at the sky, yelling to Jack. “Jack, you son of a bitch. After everything you’ve done to her, now you do this? You end it like this? So she has to live with this for the rest of her life? You son of a bitch!”
I won’t go into any more detail, but I will tell you more obscenities followed. I gave Jack the ‘what for’ he so richly deserved.
That night I went to bed and fell asleep, just like any other night. At one point, however, I woke up with a terrible feeling of dread. Something I can only explain as terror that filled my entire body.
I was used to feeling anxiety and panic in the past, so I thought this would just work its way out and I would fall back to sleep. That plan, however, didn’t happen. That entire night I tossed and turned and tossed some more. This very uncomfortable feeling of terror in my body did not stop, and it wouldn’t give me any sense of relief.
When the clock struck 5am, I got out of bed to get ready for the day. Even with my daily to-do list on my mind, this overwhelming sense of dread stayed with me. It was impenetrable, dense and obstructive. I felt like it congested everything I did and it even got in the way of everyone I encountered.
That night, I came home and downed a bunch of red wine, hoping and praying that this immensity in my body would go away. I finally fell asleep but, just as I had feared, my night was about to get much, much worse.
This went on for three days and for the life of me I couldn’t understand what was happening. Finally, after the third morning, I woke and it was as if the world had become bright again. I could step with ease and felt I was finally getting my breath back into my body. As I walked into the bathroom, I did a little happy dance and immersed myself in my newfound well-being. I was thrilled!
As I went through my day, I did think about what had been happening, but I chose to ignore it. I often had thoughts like this because I was trying to stay “somewhat normal,” but I usually ignored them, too.
Yes, I had a love and fondness for spirituality since the age of 18. Yes, I loved the work I was doing with angel tarot cards, but in my mind, I was no psychic. I wasn’t a medium either because I was a card-carrying member of the normal world.
Throughout the day, however, my thoughts again grew relentless. As I went to bed that night, I could not help but finally admit to myself what had happened: Jack was with me.
My first inclination was to be angry…until I realized why he was doing it.
The entire time he was with me, I thought he was punishing and terrorizing me for the things I had said. But, the truth is, that wasn’t it at all. For the first time in my life, I felt a deep sadness for him - a genuine empathy. In actuality, though, he wasn’t terrorizing me at all. He was simply showing me, through my feelings, that every day of his life he himself felt this dread and terror, and this ultimately led to his passing.
Even knowing this, however, I was not a psychic or medium. How could I tell my friend what had happened. Not to mention, she had enough on her plate already. Did she really need someone coming to her and saying that her late husband had crossed over? No, I don’t think so!
In the end, though, for reasons unknown at the time, those thoughts didn’t matter. I was so compelled to tell Janice what had happened, that I just ended up telling her anyway.
When I told Janice, much to my relief, she was grateful. She even felt her late father was probably there with him and had helped him to cross over. I was glad she was happy with my disclosure and that she wasn’t upset with me. I truly valued our friendship and wanted her to feel the same way.
Four years later…
I recently wrote a blog about being haunted (you can find it here) and how many of us misinterpret these events. At the time of Jack’s passing, I honestly had no idea what was going on. I had no idea about boundaries or spirit/spirit guides visiting you, and all that goes with it. Had I known what I know now, however, that experience would have been much different.
So, why do I tell this story?
What this event taught me is that hauntings, for the most part, are not what people think.
Death is not what people think, either. Your loved ones in spirit are always with you, even if they were hurtful to you while they were alive. They love you and they want you to find peace.
Janice still carries this event with her, as anyone would, but she has gone on to be with people that make her incredibly happy. She is an amazing person – one I wish you could all meet!
I mostly tell this story, though, for those out there who might have had something like this happen to them. It can be mysterious, confusing and downright scary if you don’t understand what’s going on.
If you’ve had an experience like this, odds are you ARE a psychic, medium or intuitive. It’s ok to acknowledge that you were given this beautiful gift for a reason.
In the end, there is nothing more pure than helping the hearts of those both here, and crossed over, to get a little bit of peace and healing.